03 - You Only Live Nine Times Page 8

  “Yes, there was one here last night; we suspected he would return tonight.”

  The two patrol cops looked pale and Shep, apparently losing interest walked away. They were hoping that the vampire who attacked Isis would return, but Raf knew that Isis only said that to scare the bejeesus out of the two cops. After her brief exchange with Collins the night before, she could sense that they were mundane cops who wouldn’t react well to supernatural creatures. Ordinarily, he might feel a little sorry for them and try to reassure them that they weren’t in any danger from a vampire, but he was too damn pissed at them for falling asleep. Let them have their nightmares for now.

  Raf gave them a hard look. “Have you done a perimeter check of the cemetery?”

  “No,” replied Leaky with a squeak, as he edged closer to Collins. “We were waiting for you.”

  Isis had started prowling around, apparently restless and bored of talking to them, and Leaky clearly didn’t like how close she was to him.

  “Do it now,” ordered Raf.

  With glum faces, they grabbed flashlights and trudged away. Raf doubted they would find anything. If the intruder exited by hopping over the fence, they probably entered the same way, too. Still, it would keep the snoozy twosome out of trouble.

  Isis and Raf decided to check out the cemetery, and in deference to him, she called Shep over to open the gate. From the look on her face, Raf figured that if he weren’t there she would have just hopped over the fence herself. He was probably up to it – although it did look a little high.

  Once again, he followed Isis, fervently not allowing his own flashlight to hover over her rear too much.

  “I can smell a faint whiff of vampire,” she called over her shoulder as she strode ahead, finally stopping in front of Elspeth Grey’s grave. “It’s strongest here.”

  Raf threw the beam over the grave and found that fresh flowers had been placed there. “So we think that it was our elusive vampire, who came to visit this grave again.”

  Isis shrugged. “Guess so. Maybe he or she came last night but was interrupted by the body snatchers.”

  “So he came back tonight,” finished Raf. “Boy, I’d really like to get a hold of this guy.”

  “Or girl.”

  “But if he, or she,” he added on her pointed look, “saw anything, wouldn’t they come forward? You know, to do their civic duty.”

  Isis snorted. “We’re talking about a vampire, here. Even the ones who came forward and took jobs don’t like being told what they do. In my experience, vampires are assholes who think that they’re better than every other species on the planet. Probably something to do with them being faster, stronger, having general supernatural powers and being immortal.”

  “Yeah, those kinds of things would give anyone a big head.”

  “Coming forward wouldn’t benefit them so they won’t do it. Besides, we’re working on the basis that they aren’t in the Directory, and coming forward would highlight that.”

  Raf nodded and squeezed his mouth shut to stop the massive yawn that wanted to escape. Too late, Isis had already seen it.

  She snickered and looped an arm through his. “Come on, honey, it’s late. Let’s get you home for your beauty sleep.”

  Her breast grazed his arm as they made their way back through the cemetery. Raf tried not to moan at the glorious feel of having her body pressed against her. Instead, he tried to focus on the case.

  “About our body snatchers,” he started.

  “Hmmm?”

  “And please don’t laugh at me, is there a possibility that they might be aliens? I mean, seriously.” He had a lot of curiosity about supernatural creatures and a lot of questions, but the alien thing was quite high up there.

  Isis grinned. “We have a saying at the SEA, always believe in the unbelievable. There are plenty of rumors running around about little green men.”

  “Have you ever had any dealings with aliens?” he asked with avid interest. Hey, he’d seen Independence Day, he was curious.

  “Fuck no, there’s no such thing.”

  Chapter Eight

  “What are we doing here again?”

  Raf stared up the sign for the shop proclaiming it was Kalinda’s Magical Emporium. When he collected Isis that morning she immediately gave him directions to drive to the shop. Covering the windows were various, exotic looking types of climbing plants. Colorful blooms adorned all of them and made it impossible actually to see into the shop. He’d driven past the shop a few times, but he’d never really paid it much attention. Magic had never been a part of his life before. As his father had always said, ‘magical folk are dangerous, Rafael, only a fucking whackjob gets involved with them’. Yeah, it was always a shame that his dad became a cop instead of becoming a poet.

  “To get information,” replied Isis, patiently, sliding her sunglasses off her nose. She hooked them onto the hem of her purple shirt, directing his attention to her breasts. Like he needed any help finding his way there. You’d think the purple would clash with her bright red hair, currently dragged back into a ponytail, but it didn’t. It just highlighted her bright eyes and luminous skin. She must have been wearing a black bra, if he looked really hard, he could see the material through her top.

  “Ahem.”

  The sharp sound snapped him out of his reverie. She could have called him on what he was doing, could have made some snappy comment, or even slapped his face – she had the right. But instead, she gave him a knowing wink, seemingly giving him permission to continue and walked towards to door of the shop, putting an extra wiggle in her step. “Shall we?” she drawled.

  Raf gave himself a mental cold shower by thinking of Great Aunt Brenda stepping out of the shower in nothing but her birthday suit – his eighth birthday had sucked. Immediately, his ardor was quelled. Also, telling himself that he should be professional helped, but not quite as much as Great Aunt Brenda did.

  He followed Isis into the store, immediately sneezing at the heavy smell of spices and herbs. It looked like an old-fashioned apothecary, except it had some freaky looking things on shelves behind the heavy, wooden counter that he didn’t really want to think about. There was a hippyish looking woman behind the counter with dark skin and long, black hair falling to her waist tending to a young couple with hopeful, nervous smiles.

  Isis stood watching them with folded arms as Raf tried to take in every detail of the shop. He recognized a lot of the things in jars, having spent many an hour listening to his mother wax lyrical about her garden and tell him all the Latin names of her flowers. There were a lot that were a mystery, though.

  After a few moments, the couple started to leave, and the hippy woman gave them a serene look. “Blessings be upon you.” She waited until they were out the door before a scowl took over. “What the fuck do you want?” she snapped at Isis.

  “Settle down, Kalinda,” said Isis, smoothly. “We just want information.”

  Kalinda’s nostrils flared in annoyance. “Yeah, yeah, that’s all you SEA agents ever say you want until you’re tearing apart my shop looking for so-called contraband.”

  “Ground-up panda bone is contraband,” explained Isis, patiently. Raf tried not to wince at that. Who the hell would want ground-up panda bones? Weren’t pandas those fuzzy black and white bears that happened to be endangered?

  “I didn’t know what it was, someone gave it to me,” protested Kalinda much too vehemently. Raf rolled his eyes at the obvious lie, but to her credit, Isis didn’t bother to react. Maybe this was something they went through every time she came here.

  Isis waved a manicured hand. “Yeah, yeah, you were just holding it for a friend, it fell off the back of a magic carpet, etcetera, etcetera. I don’t care about what you’ve done in the past…”

  “What I’ve allegedly done.”

  “Uh huh. We just want information.”

  Kalinda pouted. Perhaps she wanted a fight. “What sort of information. And when you say we…” She swung her gaze in Raf’s dire
ction, her violet eyes narrowing to take him in, assessing and judging him before delivering her verdict. “He’s cute.”

  “Yeah, I’m adorable,” quipped Raf, rubbing the back of his head. This woman kind of made him nervous.

  “For a human,” amended Kalinda. “And he smells like a cop.”

  “You can smell that? You a shifter?” he asked, wondering what exactly was the ‘cop smell’. Donuts and bad coffee?

  “No, she’s just someone who has been in trouble so much that she knows how to spot anyone in law enforcement,” said Isis, with a mean smile.

  Kalinda sniffed. “So come on, spit it out. I haven’t got all day to stand around being insulted by the likes of you.”

  Isis gazed around the empty shop insolently. “Sure, so many precious customers, so little time.”

  “I’ll have you know that I have a website now, and most of my customers order online.”

  “Oh yes? Eye of newt with express shipping, how lovely.”

  Kalinda threw up her hands in the air, theatrically, making her many bangles jangle. “Goddess spare me! What do you want?”

  Isis gave her a shrewd look. “What kind of spells would call for human body parts?”

  She regarded Isis dispassionately. “None that would be worth any witch or warlock’s time to cast. Why do you ask?”

  “So you’re saying there are some spells that use human body parts?” persisted Isis, ignoring the question.

  Kalinda knit her eyebrows together. “Of course. There are virtually an infinite number of spells in the universe. Some are dead and forgotten while others are just being created. Undoubtedly there are some that will involve human parts as there are some that will involve dog urine.” She turned to look at Raf. “Although I doubt that one will ever be used again. It was created by a wizard to train his cocker spaniel, but all it did was make the little fellow hump his master’s leg for two straight weeks. Almost killed both of them.”

  “What kind of spells?” asked Isis.

  “Well, all sorts of spells…”

  “Name a few.”

  Kalinda’s lips tightened in irritation at the order. “All this died out over a hundred years ago when human sacrifice became unfashionable, and people moved to using animals instead. But there was one that involved making a human liver into a potion, it was supposed to safeguard the drinker against all poisons. Except it didn’t really work, it had a side effect that meant the drinker became so thirsty all the time that eventually they drank themselves to death. Then there was the one about increasing male potency which involves boiling a man’s ding-dong in a mixture of certain herbs.”

  Raf winced at that. Killed for your ding-dong – what a way to go. Was there anything worse?

  “Except, the herbs were so difficult to get right that on occasion it resulted in the male growing another ding dong himself, or his own just dropping off entirely.”

  Okay, yep, that was even worse. Why was it starting to get difficult to breathe in there?

  “Of course, there are some spells that called for ground up bones, human eyeballs, even human ears. And a lot of fertility spells called for various body parts.”

  Isis chewed on her lip. “So the list is kind of long?”

  “Yes, but my point is that the spells and potions that require human parts were so hit and miss that hardly anyone wanted to continue using them anyway.”

  “Can you think of anyone in the magical community who might want to try?”

  “Well,” Kalinda’s eyes flickered and Isis growled at her. “What is it?”

  Kalinda groaned. “There is one witch who’s always going on and on about how we’ve lost our way, how two hundred years ago we would have been feared and now here we are selling spices and flowers to tourists. Judgmental hag.” She balled up her fists as red sparks started shooting from her fingers. “I don’t see her with a thriving business and a snazzy, new website.”

  “I’ll bet it’s a wonderful website,” murmured Raf, soothingly.

  “You’re damn right it is! I offer overnight postage, and discounts when you order five spices or more. Lost our way, my gorgeous, round behind! She’s still jealous of the time I had to un-enchant her boyfriend who she turned into a toad by accident. Her magic is mediocre at best.”

  “This is all very thrilling,” muttered Isis, “but…”

  “She came in here about a week ago asking for shaved rhino horn. And I told her that it was illegal because they’re endangered animals.”

  “Good for you,” commended Raf, encouragingly. Although his words might have been a little slurred. The heavy atmosphere of the room, the sickly, sweet smell and ambiance were starting to take their toll.

  Kalinda preened a little and softened even more to him. He swore Isis tensed as Kalinda patted her hair.

  “Anyway, she was boasting about how nothing was out of bounds for her and she could perform any magic she wanted. All crap, of course. But, she did ask whether I knew anyone who could get some more hard to find ingredients if you get my drift.”

  “To which you replied…?” encouraged Raf.

  Kalinda almost looked genuinely affronted - almost. “To which I replied that of course I didn’t. I run a respectable business here with a web…”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah, enough about the website,” sneered Isis. “Who is this witch and where can we find her?”

  “I understand that she’s working at some kind of fertility clinic, probably why she wants the more outlandish ingredients. Fertility spells can be pretty tricky, and I’ve heard rumors that the clinic caters to whatever people want.”

  “How do you mean?” asked Raf as he leaned on the counter. What else could people want other than getting pregnant? And why were his legs feeling so weak and jelly-like?

  “You know, if a couple comes in asking for a boy with blue eyes, or if they want a wolf shifter. It’s pretty damn difficult to create a wolf shifter baby when both parents are human.” Kalinda rolled her shoulders nonchalantly as if she hadn’t just imparted news that was incredibly weird.

  Two humans wanting a wolf baby? What the heck was that about? His confusion must have shown because Isis gave him a resigned look and told him not to think too hard about it. She turned her attention back to Kalinda. “Name, Kalinda, while I still have a pinch of patience left.” Isis held up a hand, and Raf watched in awe as claws started sprouting out of her fingers. Long, black, deadly claws.

  To her credit, Kalinda just looked bored. “You SEA agents, you’re so impatient. Her name is Amanda Whitmore, and the fertility clinic is over on Prometheus Avenue. Watch yourself, a witch doctor owns it, and he’s not nice and friendly like me.” She winked at Raf and Isis growled.

  Grumpily, Isis told Raf they were leaving.

  “You’re welcome,” grouched Kalinda.

  Isis spun back to face her and gave her a feral smile. “Thank you so much,” she said in a sickly sweet voice. “I’ll remember this the next time you get arrested. My guess is it’ll be soon.”

  Kalinda returned the smile, her eyes boring furious holes into the tigress.

  “These flowers are so unusual,” said Raf, eyeing the display covering the window and effectively cutting the tension. He swayed slightly as he tried to focus on them. “I bet my mom would love one of these for her garden.”

  “I wouldn’t get too close, darling,” called Kalinda.

  As if it heard her, the bloom closest to Raf snapped at him, and a vine tried to curl around his wrist. Startled, Raf took a step back, only tripping slightly.

  “They’re magical orchids,” explained Kalinda, a little smugly. “Very rare, very expensive but they make an excellent deterrent against burglars. I would give you a cutting for your mother, but I’d worry that she’d lose a finger while trying to tend it.”

  “Yeah, that would really suck all the joy out of mother’s day for her if that happened.”

  Kalinda tinkled with laughter. “Come back anytime, human cop. I’m sure I could find somethin
g for your mother. And I’m sure I have something for you, too.”

  Isis grabbed his arm, dragging him out of the shop into the fresh air. As soon as he hit the sidewalk he breathed in deeply, and his head cleared. Damn, he hadn’t realized how bad it was in there until he got out. Isis placed a hand on his shoulder and gave him a concerned look. As he looked into her eyes, he tried not to appear too much like an adoring puppy.

  “You okay?”

  “Sure, it was just a little stuffy in there.”

  “Yeah, she infuses the air with a mix of herbs designed to make people sluggish. It’s in case anyone tries to rob her. Gives her enough time to send a bolt up their ass, or reach for her baseball bat.”

  “It’s effective, I’ll give her that. How come you weren’t affected?”

  Isis gave him a rueful smile. “I’ve been here a few more times than I care to mention.”

  Raf forced himself to stand up straight and shook his head, trying to dispel the foggy feeling. “She a confidential informant?”

  “Nothing’s confidential with Kalinda, so if we want to look into Amanda Whitmore, we better do it quick before Kalinda starts blabbing all over town that we’re interested in her. You up for a little visit?”

  “Definitely,” said Raf, brightening slightly. “But it’s probably best if you drive, I’m still a little woozy.”

  Isis let out a musical laugh. “Congratulations, you just survived your first witch encounter.”

  Raf grimaced. “Great, let’s celebrate as soon as I stop tasting colors.”

  *

  “So, we’re on a stakeout, shouldn’t we be stuffing our faces with donuts and talking about our prostate problems?”

  Isis leaned her head back and pursed her lips, trying to stave off boredom as Ms. Kitty huffed. They were watching the Twin Dragon Clinic where Amanda Whitmore worked. Isis had been all for marching on in there and demanding to speak to the damn witch. Raf had suggested something a little subtler. So, Isis put in a call to Jessie to find out all she could about the clinic. Jessie got back to them lickity split with the news that she couldn’t find anything odd about the clinic. It was a fertility clinic founded by a registered witch doctor who went by the name Bongo (a man whose real name was Ernest Boggs, born in Wisconsin, and had quite a few prior arrests for various charges including assault). They specialized in using magic to aid fertility, but they always passed their Council inspection and were never found to be using either black magic or illegal substances. Furthermore, Jessie had confirmed that a witch called Amanda Whitmore had worked there for over fourteen months.